


Distracted

by seifersfire



Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-18 18:33:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10622685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seifersfire/pseuds/seifersfire
Summary: Sara had always felt more. Her emotions running higher than most. Scott was always her opposite, calm where she ran hot. Scott was everything a Pathfinder should be rather than herself which was everything a Pathfinder shouldn't be. Rage was the only thing she felt. Pure unadulterated rage. She barely registered the manic smile as her omnitool sunk into the assemblers glowing red light.





	1. Chapter 1

"Ahhh. This hits the spot."

She had to admit the weightlessness in the escape pod did have a way of relaxing the soul and de-stressing the body. Peebee seemed to enjoy it well enough.

"Ryder?"

"Yeah?"

"You know, there's something else that would relax me."

"What's that?"

"That's the spirit! Wanna fool around?" Sara would almost swear the asari was blushing. "It doesn't matter if you have something else going on. I can be discrete. Just two people blowing off steam. No strings attached. Only if there are no strings attached."

Ryder tried to taper down on her first impulse, and the memory of smooth skin against her own and the feeling of being more grounded than she had in a long time, longer than she'd like to admit. She could still feel his arms around her and the pull of his kiss. She fought the wince that wanted to make itself quite known when she recalled shutting him down. His disappointment more cutting than she expected. She sighed, "Normally I would say yes but... I'm sorry, it's just not the best time right now. I have to concentrate on the mission."

To her surprise Peebee laughed lightly. "And our resident crisis expert would have nothing to do with it?"

Sara mustered the best glare she had. "Not a damn thing."

"That reaction is very telling. Just in case you're actually trying to keep it all hush hush."

"It was a one time thing, nothing there to keep under wraps," Sara said, angling her limbs just so, and pushing towards the exit. "SAM kill the anti gravity for a sec." The two floated gently to the deck. "I need this unit to work well together. Having fun with everyone could cause conflicts. Conflicts are the last thing I need. Gil and Kallo are more than enough of a personnel issue for now. Anyways, we're vault hunting when we get to Kadara and you're coming with so be ready."

Peebee glanced up at Ryder from her seat on the floor, "And who might be our other ground team member?"

Ryder glared further at the picture of innocence and inquiry on the deck. "You and Kosta."

Peebee shook her head, "You know, you're awful attached to him. Is there a mission you haven't taken him with you?"

"His skill set compliments my own, just like yours do, it's purely professional."

"Whatever you say Ryder. See you soon."

***

The cargo bay bustled with activity as Ryder suited up, checking various seals before grabbing her weapons. "Sure you don't want me along for the ride?" Vetra mumbled, handing over her piranha.

Ryder smirked, "I'll be fine sweetcheeks. But I appreciate the thought."

"The last time you said that and left me behind you came back leaking profusely from gunshot wounds and stop calling me that. It's ... weird."

Sara chuckled, "Has it ever occurred to you that's why I do it?"

Vetra sighed heavily, "All jokes aside, I'm worried. You've been off your game for a few days now. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Sara shoved in the heat sink on her shotgun with a tad more pressure than was needed. "I'm fine." Her gaze fell forward doing her best impression of someone who was not rapidly loosing their shit.

Peebee and Liam strode into the bay suited up and ready to go.

"Pathfinder, Vetra's concerns are not without merit. You have been showing signs of elevated stress for 3 days. It is no coincidence that Mr. Kosta ..."

"SAM, I kinda need you in my corner here. I can't deal with that right now."

"As you wish Pathfinder, however if you show any further issues I will be obligated to alert Dr. T'perro for your own well being."

Sara suddenly had the great regret she couldn't hang up on the AI in her head she hadn't asked for. Vetra looked dead set on having this out so in true Pathfinder form Sara turned away before her friend could say anything more. "Kosta, Peebee, lets go."

3 days ago ...

Sara knew cold. She'd lived in it her entire life. However as she, Drack, and Liam huddled inside the bubble of warmth that the vault on Voeld provided Sara had to admit she'd never felt cold like this. Her fingers were stiff in her gloves and her coordination was way off, belatedly she felt a pang of empathy for her companions, at least she had been prepared. Kosta was obviously suffering from the chill and Drack looked far less lively than he normally did. Stubborn old krogan should have told her the cold would affect him.

"How are we doing old man?" She asked.

"I'm fine Ryder. Worry about yourself." Drack grumbled.

"Kosta, how about you?"

"Couldn't be ready for more Pathfinder." Liam stated, almost keeping his teeth from chattering. His eyes remains glued to his omnitool. She missed the warmth his gaze had brought to her before.

Pathfinder. That's what she had become since she had been forced to make the responsible decision that was required of her role. She would give anything to tell Liam just how much that night had meant to her. She wanted to reach out again, to feel him against her once more, but that was not for her. She fought against the surge of anger inside her, even from the grave her father was doing a wonderful job of ruining any chance of happiness she had. She never wanted to be Pathfinder, would have happily handed the responsibility off to Cora or anyone else that happened to sign up for this shit show. She knew she couldn't. She was more than herself now and there was a whole Nexus full of people that saw her as their only hope. Her life was no longer her own. Taking a deep breath Sara forced her issues to the side, now was not the time. She needed to reset this vault so she could keep her promise to Lexi and get Drack out of here, before his last organs turned into ice. "Alright, let's get this over with," she strode out of the bubble and stepped up to the remnant console.

"Escape route uploaded, we should be alright as long as the jump jets hold against the cold." Kosta parroted.

Sara brought her hand over the remnant tech and tried not to shiver in discomfort as the AI surged through her, her nerves and her body were swamped with SAM's presence. Once again she pushed back against her own issues, this was not the time. They needed to leave.

The pillar of pulsing light shifted, growing red and ominous. The others were already at least five paces ahead and running towards the exit they would need her to reach. For one moment, just a second she entertained what it would be like to let the black smoke gathering around her just ... just to let it take her. She never wanted this. She never wanted to have so many rely on her, she never wanted to be their beacon. She just... she was so tired. Cora would do fine and the crew would go on. Everything would be better off if she had never been named Pathfinder.

"Sara! What the fuck are you doing? We need to go!"

Liam. It was Liam. He would not survive if she was not there. Without her unwanted gifts he would die in this vault too. Her feet found motivation and her hand found another console. A short stop to grab the remnant tech Peebee would no doubt be drooling over later and back to the entrance.

She raised her hand one last time over the console watching the black blocks undulate and the deadly smoke retreated from their position. Her friends were safe. Her sigh held relief but more obligation than the former. "Anybody else looking forward to getting the hell off this ice cube?"

To her surprise Liam practically ripped his helmet off. "What the hell was that Ryder?!"

She breathed deeply before meeting his eyes with as much calm as she could project, "I got distracted. Sorry."

"Distracted? People watching vids get distracted. Suvi gets distracted by random data pads. That is not a fucking moment to get distracted. Does the Initiative matter to you at all?!" He was yelling. Sara cringed, she had never dealt with yelling well.

"The Initiative is the only thing that matters to me," she responded. The silence that followed that statement was telling.

Drack was wondering towards the door, attempting to give the two the space they needed.

Liam's sigh was heavy. "Ryder... Sara, please can we... I'm so sorry. Tell me how I can make this right again?" His jaw tensed, yanking on the hair she longed to feel between her finger tips. "If I had known how much that night would change things. Just tell me what I did wrong so I can fix this."

Her smile was soft. "There's nothing to forgive or change. Everything's fine."

"I'll radio the Tempest to pick us up here," Drack mumbled walking out into the snow toward the Nomad.

Sara stared resolutely at her boots, doing the only thing she could think of to avoid the awkwardness that would meet her if she looked up. She heard steps, lighter than the krogan leaving the vault entrance and rather familiar looking boots entered her field of vision. "Ryder, we have a job to do. That's bigger than both of us. Do you need me to leave? It's the last thing I want, but this isn't about me. I'll go, just tell me and I will."

She subtly took a deep breathe, inhaling all his scent she could. Her chuckle was depreciating. "Don't leave Kosta. You are needed." She moved towards the entrance the Tempest now swirling snow around the area and away from the man she desperately wanted. Liam watched her go and the crushing sensation in his chest became more intense. "The Initiative wouldn't be the same without you."

I couldn't do what I have to do without you by my side. Whether you know it or not.

"Pathfinder, you are showing high levels of emotional distress and your vital signs are showing significant stress. Should I alert Dr T'Perro?"

She brought a hand to the bridge of her nose attempting to stave off the unpleasant headache starting to bounce around in her skull. "No SAM. If I need attention from the doctor I will ask for it."

The hand on her cheek rearranged her priorities. A pleased sigh fell from her lips and she involuntary leaned into his hand. There was no stopping herself from looking into Liam's very concerned face. "Sara," he pleaded. "What's wrong?"

She plastered the biggest smile on her face she could. "Nothing. I'm fine."

"Here for pickup," Kallo chirped over the comms.

With a bodily effort she pulled away from the only thing in the Andromeda Galaxy that made Sara Ryder feel all right. "We have colonies to be making. Move out."

There was no looking back.

She stepped into the already rising temperatures, "We gathered quite a bit of minerals. Open up the cargo bay and make some room." Her omnitool flared to life as the docking bay descended. "Suvi we need an inventory run on how much Eezo we gathered. I want a report within an hour."

"Understood Pathfinder."

A quick glance assured all was as expected, Drack and Gil were moving containers into the cargo bay, Vetra was already inventorying all that they had salvaged. They were a breath of fresh air. Each for their own reasons of course. Jaal was most likely making their resident science officer giggle with all her girlish enthusiasm and Peebee was probably gleefully unpacking her new tech. Each time she came back to this ship and these people, she was reminded of why she carried on, even if she hated rose gardens.

Sara rolled her shoulders. Whether or not she wanted this role, for them she would soldier on. They had risked everything to get here and she couldn't let them down.

"Pathfinder! Mr. Kosta's life signs are failing!"

"Jaal, Vetra, with me! We have a problem." She barreled back toward the vault.

Assault rifle fire bounced off of the metal that no one could identify and the remnant assembler was standing above Liam's unconscious form dodging Jaal's best attempts to destroy it.

Sara had always felt more. Her emotions running higher than most. Scott was always her opposite, calm where she ran hot. Scott was everything a Pathfinder should be rather than herself which was everything a Pathfinder shouldn't be. Rage was the only thing she felt. Pure unadulterated rage. She barely registered the manic smile as her omnitool sunk into the assemblers glowing red light.

"Liam! Lexi I need you!"


	2. Chapter 2

Suvi found the Pathfinder in her usual spot to the right of her own terminal. They were headed for the Nexus to offload and re-up on supplies, the medbay in particular. "Liam is going to be fine, according to Lexi."

"That's good to hear. The last thing we need is loosing people." Her response was monotone. Suvi had noticed Sara usually shut down when faced with something she felt she couldn't handle. While that could be useful in a battlefield it was the opposite when it came to her emotional well being. She placed a cup of tea for Ryder down on the panel. "Lexi said this would help with the headache."

Ryder laughed in a sort of self depreciating way, "I don't see why you guys keep trying to help what is an obvious train wreck."

Suvi did not feel it would be prudent to point out that she did pick up the remedy and take a sip. "You're not a train wreck Ryder. Simple fact alone can assure you of that. The Nexus wouldn't have power and our people would be slaughtering each other for food if we hadn't been there. There are two colonies on two planets that you activated ancient alien terraforming tech that is making those planets viable for people to live." Suvi smiled. "You are not doing this the way your father would have, but you're not doing it wrong either. Which is perfectly fine by the way. We never expected you to be your dad."

The Pathfinder let her face fall forward obscuring her reaction with her hair. "Thanks Suvi. That really helps."

"A good talk always does." The science officer turned, headed towards the kitchen.

"Hey is this thing magnetic? That's actually really awesome!"

***

There was a very nervous Angaran pacing outside the med bay. It occurred to Lexi that had to be the first time she had that thought. Well, she had volunteered for a new galaxy a new phrase or two wasn't uncalled for. She strolled to the door, crossing her arms at the last moment hoping to project an doctorly air about her. "Jaal, is there something I can assist you with?"

"I have a few questions, if you have a moment?"

"Of course, please, come in." She side stepped back into the medbay going over to her bio scanner currently detailing her finds on Kett anatomy. With a flick of her wrist the image changed, she did not wish to upset Jaal and those wounds were still very raw. She turned to see Jaal staring at Kosta, who was still sleeping. He extended a hand and covered Liam's with his own. "Does this happen often?"

Lexi smiled, attempting to lighten the mood, "Hand holding or people getting hurt?"

Jaal huffed lightly, she was getting the impression that was close to a chuckle. "Allow me to explain." He dropped Kosta's hand and walked closer to the doctor. "Humans are remarkably breakable. Their skin is so thin, they have no protection from the elements. They could not survive on Voeld without their enviro suits. They are surprisingly fragile and yet they show as much enthusiasm for battle as the krogan. I paid very little attention to the notion because of the things I've witness your Pathfinder do but ... It is safe to say that recent events have made me reconsider my assumptions."

"You wouldn't be the first to wonder. When humans showed up in our galaxy there was a war between them and the turians, over territory ironically enough. When it first started the galaxy as a whole just assumed the turians would clean house and we wouldn't need to intervene. Turns out an up start race was giving the strongest military in the galaxy a run for their money. The council was forced to step in. Physiologically I can tell you they are quite resilient, but you are right." She moved towards Kosta adjusting his meds. "They are incredibly stubborn but their bodies are flexible. Give a human enough time and they would adapt to the cold, the same couldn't be said for other species."

"Thank you for answering my questions. When will he be awake?"

"In a few moments. I'm going to grab a bite if you'd like to talk with him," Lexi said, depositing a few data pads in her desk.

"Ah, Idiom. You are hungry."

Lexi shook her head with a smile. "It's truly a delight to have you with us, Jaal."

The door closed, leaving him and Liam alone inside. Said human was also waking with his usual grace. "Who ran me over with the Mako?" Liam mumbled propping himself up on one elbow.

"What is a Mako?"

Liam chuckled, "I meant Nomad, sorry."

"I assure you the Nomad was not involved." Jaal deadpanned.

"Feels like it was. Can I get some water?"

Jaal moved towards the water container and grabbed one of the small cups stacked next to it. "The Nomad aside, how are you feeling?"

"Like I'm here, so lucky I guess," Liam drained the cup and sat up fully. "Where's Lexi?"

"In the eating area. She should be back soon."

***

"Suvi, where did you even pick up a habit of licking foreign objects? You are a scientist, you are aware of how badly that can go." Kallo grumped and shook his head. "I might need to edit my best friend list."

Sara toyed with joining the banter considering he was eating something that looked like it might have grown in a long neglected corner in the back of the fridge. Ryder tried very hard to stay out of sniff range. She did not want to know how it smelled if it looked that gross.

"You wouldn't!"

"I always walk in to the room at the worst moments," Lexi sighed.

Ryder who was giggling away with her science officer perked up with Lexi's presence. "Hey doc."

"Pathfinder, its good to see you drinking your tea. I can have more for you if they help with the headaches." Plates were grabbed and food was piled on to it.

"I would very much appreciate that, thank you. But pleasantries aside, what was the damage from Voeld?" Ryder really hoped she sounded as nonchalant as she wanted to.

"I was able to reduce the swelling and mend the crack to his skull before any permanent damage was done. It was a close call, a few more pounds of pressure and it would have been a different story. What in the world possessed him to remove his helmet is beyond me and I plan to have a very stern discussion with him about it later, but the short answer is a few days of rest and Liam will be fine."

Sara felt reality creeping back up on her, the buffer Suvi had expertly applied earlier slipping away and her responsibilities were poking their heads around the corner. Had she taken his helmet off? No. Could she be held partially responsible for it not being there? Yes. Dammit. This was why she never should have let things get this far. If they hadn't slept together or let their feelings rule decisions while in the field this never would have happened.

Maybe Liam was right. Maybe it was better he left. She viciously shut down the part of her brain screaming that she was just afraid to see him hurt again.

"In any event, he's off rotation for two days at least. I'll keep you up to speed with any complications," Lexi said running her finished plate under the wash. "I'm off to have a conversation with a man about a helmet."

***

Liam eyed the door. Maybe it was ok for him to leave, no one said he had to stay and wait for the doctor. "Hey Jaal, can you hand me that bag?"

"These contain your personal affects. I do not think it is appropriate for you to leave yet. Lexi has not cleared you."

"So much for building alliances," Liam groused while Jaal laughed. He always hated how it felt coming out from under sedatives, it was like trying to think though cotton.

The door swished open as said doctor came back into the medbay. "Liam, its good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"Glad to be here," He said. Lexi ran a few diagnostics with her omnitool, fingers flying away on her display. "Thanks for patching me up."

Lexi scoffed, "And the patches are very much that, just patches. Promise me you will take it easy for a few days until you're healed. I also require that while in hostile situations you do not remove your helmet in the future. It's generally not as effective at protecting your skull while it's not being worn."

"In my defense we had already cleared the vault. There was no reason to think anything hostile was there." He wasn't an idiot but the criticism chafed. He looked up at the Asari rather than her omnitool and winced when fire shot through the back of his head.

Lexi lifted an eyebrow.

"Point taken. Message understood. I'll take it easy for a while."

"You can leave but I want you to return if you have any dizziness or nausea." Lexi placed a bottle in his hand. "These are for the pain, they will also help you sleep. Take them with food and no more than two pills every eight hours. Alright?"

"Will do."

"We'll give you a moment to yourself. It's good to have you back Kosta."

After he was sure the door had closed properly he reached for the bag containing his clothes. He pulled the scratchy blanket off before pulling his pants out. He could feel the impact of his stay in the fumbling of his fingers while buttoning them up, it felt foreign. He was reaching for the shirt when the door opened again.

***

"Lexi I had a quick... uh, hi. How are you feeling?" Ryder almost face palmed. 'How are you feeling' as if he hadn't heard that a lot already. Of course she would walk in when he's half naked because things weren't sufficiently awkward yet. Her pension for making every possible interaction as bumblingly orchestrated as herding cats was trying on the best of days. Her rebellious eyes traced the curve of his hip, following a path up his abs her lips had recently felt. She remembered how he smelled and the little moans he could make when her lips were on his body. When she reached his face, his lips, she realized she was biting her lower lip. She met his eyes and they were practically smouldering.

Her face flamed from embarrassment.

To his credit Liam smiled and continued dressing like she wasn't the social pariah/pervert she knew she was. "Heads a bit sore, other than that no complaints, Pathfinder."

"If you need anything, please let me know." Yes, that was a proper response. Right?

"Will do and about what happened on the planet." Liam took a deep breath and then met her eyes, the heat there from earlier had dissipated. "I over stepped myself, the things I said I had no right to say. I know the Initiative is your top priority and I won't question it again."

Sara felt herself smile and nod. She was trying to congratulate herself on a very professional conversation and thus so in steering their relationship in the safe direction. She wasn't hurt. There weren't emotional issues that needed to be addressed. She was not thinking about him naked.

She really wasn't.

"No need to apologize. I... I wasn't myself yesterday."

He sat on the bed extracting socks from a bag next to him. "Something bothering you?" Was it ridiculous to think that she even liked his feet? How does one even have an opinion about a foot?!

She grinned tossing his boots closer, "Nothing I can't handle. I'm sorry it won't happen again."

He leaned over to slip on said shoes, tying both with a efficiency that spoke of his days in law enforcement. "These problems you have, the entire crew is here to help. Why don't you try asking for it next time. I get it if it's not me but, you should have someone you can talk to." He hopped off the bed and grabbed the bag, moving towards the exit. It looked like he was set to make his escape, quick and clean, but after the second step he started to list to the left. Ryder shot an arm out before she could even question the motive.

He was so warm. She had forgotten.

He put a hand to the side of his head with an obvious cringe. She felt horrid reveling in the feeling of him in her arms again while he was in pain. "Do you need me to go get Lexi?"

He laughed, "I'd much rather sleep on my couch. It's just cause I tied my shoes and then stood up too quick. No need to bother the doc."

She wanted to kiss him. It shouldn't take the amount of effort she presently needed to keep her hands where they were and her lips to herself. "If you're sure. Are you good to go?" She jostled her arm as indication.

He looked down at her and the smile she saw was forced. Very forced. His eyes though, they gave him away. The way they lingered on her lips and neck, slid down to her cleavage. His hands balled into fists at his side. "We can't keep doing this." The smile vanished. He began to pull away and Sara panicked. "I can't keep wanting and not having. I thought that you didn't want this."

He was walking away. At the last second she dove for his hand.

"I was afraid," she whispered.

He stopped. He didn't look back, but he stopped. Her heart was pounding in her ears. "I was afraid because it meant so much. I'm afraid I won't be able to devote myself to the Initiative if I said ok, if ... if our first encounter said anything about what could be between us. Liam that night meant everything to me, but thousands of people are depending on me to fix this, even you." She was not crying. "I couldn't bear it if I failed you because I wanted to be with you." She couldn't look up it would stop the very smart things coming out of her mouth. They couldn't have what she wanted but she could make sure he understood. "Sorry to burst your bubble but you have a very unwilling Pathfinder on your hands. I didn't want the job and it takes everything I have to get out of bed in the morning and be what everyone needs me to be. I can't simultaneously be a Pathfinder and what you deserve. I won't have you hate me too because I'm the worst Pathfinder ever." She dropped his hand and stared at the floor. There, the stage was set, Liam had his out and now he knew why she said no, one that would be much easier to accept than the callous rejection he had probably initially felt. All he had to do was finish walking away. Her vision blurred as the deck swam in and out of focus. Wasn't there a clause in the Pathfinder handbook that said no crying?

"Sara," a hand wrapped around her own. "Sweetheart, you underestimate yourself."

Wait, what?

"I think that you really care about the people depending on you. I think that scares you. Have faith Pathfinder." Sweet warm lips caressed her hand in a chaste kiss while his stubble tickled the inside of her wrist. "There is always a way. You'll find it. When you're ready for there to be an 'us' come find me. Promise?"

She sniffles before meeting his eyes. "I promise."

 


End file.
